Lupin's Adventure: the Mountain of Icely Fire
by horsemonkey
Summary: A very very weird story in which many liberties are taken with JKR's characters. My first FF, so RR please!
1. Dumbledore could only shake his head

Disclaimer: These characters and this world were thought up in the brilliant mind of JKR, and I just borrowed them for this story. (Their names, really, not so much their personalities.hehe.)  
  
A/N: I have no idea where this came from.  
  
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Professor Lupin lay sprawled out on the couch. His already patched and frayed robes were rumpled as if he had been wearing then for a week (and indeed he had) and a strong smell of Old Ogden's Firewhisky lingered faintly in his small living room. He was bored. Dead bored. Bored horribly and completely out of his mind.  
  
Empty bottles littered the floor of that cramped room. Some of them were legitimate - Snape still brewed the anti-werewolf potion for him and sent over a beaker of it every full moon through Floo Express. But some of the glass containers - it must be admitted - were dodgy. Firewhisky, Ultra Butterbeer and Lupin's own brew, "Jazzy Ale" had once been inside them.  
  
He was bored and had taken to drinking for one principle reason - he could not find work. No one would ever hire a known werewolf - with the exception of Albus Dumbledore, of course - but he could no longer work at Hogwarts after what happened at the end of last year.  
  
Since no one would hire him, he attempted to be self employed - that's where "Jazzy Ale" came in. However, despite its snappy name, it tasted awful, for Lupin was abysmal at potions.  
  
But Lupin had to find something to do soon. He had to face the truth once and for all: he was becoming - what shall we say - rotund, to be blunt. But he had no motivation to shed those unwanted "lbs".  
  
Professor Dumbledore had a shrewd idea about what was happening to his former student. Lupin's letters to him were becoming longer and longer - and more suspicious, too. In the beginning of the summer, they had been hopeful and frank - Lupin outlined his many attempts and difficulties at getting a stable job, and inquired after Harry and Dumbledore's health. But as the months drew on, the letters started becoming more fantastic - a tall, thin, handsome, distinctly non-werewolf bitten man had apparently moved in next door to Lupin. His name was Sumer and he was "jiven" and well- loved by all those who met him, and he would spend hours and hours at Lupin's house playing "Beauty Parlor" and "Truth or Dare" well into the night. The most recent letters contained descriptions of beach parties with frantic games of "Yo-Ho Pirate" volleyball (but Lupin lived in the middle of the forest!) and huge concerts that 30,000 people attended - in Lupin's backyard nonetheless - where the only act was Lupin and Sumer singing soulful and classy duets (Dumbledore could only shake his head at that one).  
  
The fact was - as the reader may have already guessed and Dumbledore knew deep in his heart - Sumer did not exist. He seemed to be everything Lupin wanted to be (especially a snappy dresser - two letters ago, Lupin described Sumer's appearance at a hip fashion show - all the clothes were designed by him and he was the only model), and Dumbledore had a strong suspicion that Sumer was just Remus spelled backwards.  
  
'Poor Lupin,' he thought to himself.  
  
Yes, indeed, Sumer was only a figment of Lupin's crazed imagination egged on by alcohol and boredom. In his mind he went on all kinds of trips and adventures with trusty Sumer by his side. In fact, for Lupin at least, Sumer had started coming out of Lupin's head and developing a physical shape - Lupin would have lengthy discussions with Sumer over every topic imaginable. If Lupin squinted his eyes just right, he could almost see his imaginary friend sitting at the other end of the sofa gesturing wildly while he gave a lengthy answer to Lupin's questions, all audible in Lupin's head.  
  
Poor, poor Lupin, indeed.  
  
Dumbledore desperately wanted to shake him out of his deluded day dreams - but he did not know how. He could not come to visit Lupin at the moment - he had pressing business he had to attend to concerning Aberforth and an escaped shipment of goats from the mountains of Nepal. He had tried in the past to invite Lupin - and Sumer of course, who never truly left his side - to visit him at Hogwarts, stay at Hogsmeade, and take a break from his action packed life, but Lupin always declined - his schedule was booked or he had a pressing appointment somewhere else. No, Dumbledore could not handle this personally. But perhaps...  
  
Yes, yes, that was it! He could send someone trustworthy in his place. But who?  
  
McGonagall? The deputy headmistress certainly was reliable, but Dumbledore though she was a tad too strict, especially for this fragile case. Besides, Lupin would be horribly embarrassed to have one of his former teachers - his former head of house, too - witness him in this awful state. Still, some degree of strictness was necessary.  
  
Sirius? No, definitely not, on many levels. He was rash and childlike, not thinking things all the way though. He would be drunk as a monk with Lupin within a day. Besides, he was on the run from the law. Someone Sirius' age would be perfect, however - someone Lupin could connect with, someone who he could bond, talk to, share secrets with, and feel comfortable around.  
  
And then he settled on the prefect solution, one so easy and obvious he marveled why he didn't think of it sooner.  
  
Snape.  
  
Perfectly logical - the same age, old school friends (or enemies? he couldn't recall, but no matter!), and with so many troubles in each of their pasts, he knew they would bond instantly.  
  
Dumbledore retired to bed with that happy thought on his mind. First thing in the morning he would owl Snape, inviting him to his office to discuss this important matter and hopefully getting Snape to Lupin's Lair by the end of the week.  
  
And Lupin, laying in a drunken stupor on the couch while Sumer did his hair, had no idea that a series of events was about to be put in place that would change his life forever. 


	2. And oh, would he pay

Disclaimer: These characters are just borrowed, not stolen, I swear.  
  
A/N: This got too serious at times (can you really call it that?) but I still don't know where any of it came from.  
  
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Dumbledore awoke bright and early and set off for the Owlery at once, still in his purple dressing gown. A side room off the Owlery had a small desk and a supply of spare quills and parchment, and he entered it to write the letter to Snape.  
  
He wasn't sure how much he should disclose in the letter. Describing Lupin's condition would be long and complicated, and it would be much better to inform Snape about it in person so that he could answer any questions that Snape had. He didn't want Snape to get the wrong impression about what was going on at Lupin's Lair. Besides, the owl might get intercepted, and although that was unlikely he did not want to take any chances. The world despised Lupin for being a werewolf - they didn't need to know about his drunkenness and corpulence.  
  
Dumbledore didn't want to give Snape too much information for another reason. While he was drifting off to sleep the night before, certain events from years past came into his mind, and made him question the level of affinity he thought existed between the two former schoolmates. A scene from the Whomping Willow, fights in the school yard - that was mostly between Lupin's friends and Snape, but Dumbledore wanted to play it safe. Perhaps the mention of Lupin's name would cause Snape to "remember" urgent appointments like Lupin did whenever he broached the subject of a visit to Hogwarts. No, best keep it simple.  
  
Dumbledore wrote:  
  
Dear Severus,  
A pressing matter has developed which I would like to deal with personally, but which, I am afraid, I have not enough time to give it justice. I would truly appreciate your help with this situation and believe that you are the best man for the job. While not life threatening (at least, not at the moment), it is serious, and I would like to speak about it with you as soon as possible. Could you come to my office later this afternoon, perhaps around tea time? I will be out the whole morning, but if you cannot attend, send an owl back with a reply and I will get it upon my return. If the time is alright, I will see you then.  
  
Sincerely,  
Albus Dumbledore  
  
Dumbledore sealed the letter and went next door to the Owlery, choosing a large barn owl to deliver the message that would hopefully bring some peace to his dear friend.  
  
* * * *  
  
Snape was outside gardening when the owl arrived. It landed on his head, dropped the letter upon his knees and flew away before he realized what had happened.  
  
At once, he knew it was from Dumbledore. No one else knew about his hidden retreat, the cozy cottage and beautiful grounds that surrounded it, where Snape felt truly at home. Having inherited lots of money from his rich father, Snape also owned a large flat in London, not too far from Diagon Alley, which he told people was his only address. It was just for appearances and looked exactly what people thought it should look like - dark, with an air of a dungeon to it. He had a formal living room and dining room, a kitchen, a bathroom, a stately bedroom, and a study which contained thick volumes of potions and dark arts with a small chamber off it filled with potion ingredients and equipment. Everything one would expect Snape's flat to look like. He took enjoyment in selecting the mahogany floors, dark velvet curtains and expensive furnishings which made his home feel sinister and uninviting. He threw gargoyles in everywhere, just for fun.  
  
The flat stood empty the majority of the time with two exceptions: when he was forced to entertain and when he wanted to get some potion work done. For the study was the only part of the flat that he really used - it was very well equipt, even better than the facilities at Hogwarts. He spent his holidays, especially the summer ones, almost exclusively at his cozy little cottage which he named Snape's Abode. Snabby for short.  
  
Snabby was only made up of three cozy rooms - a rather cramped, yet cozy washroom, a cozy bedroom and a good sized cozy all purpose room with served as a living room, dining room and kitchen all in one. It was painted inside and out with bright cozy colors, and all the furniture had a cozy floral motif - for what Snape loved above all else was things that grew: trees, plants, and especially flowers.  
  
That was why, while the house itself was special to him, the grounds were his pride and joy. He had rows and rows of flowers of every kind imaginable, a small vegetable garden and a tiny orchard. He spent all day outside gardening and contemplating. And you were hard pressed to find a better garden anywhere - with Snape's expertise at potions, he could care for the plants as no one else could.  
  
When Dumbledore's letter fell onto his lap that morning, he was thinking about an especially complex potion he wanted to try out in his study the next time he was in London. Perhaps if he added a few more drops of aconite and stirred it an extra half turn counterclockwise (after seven clockwise stirs) it would make his apples...  
  
He jumped as he noticed the letter. And was consequently not a slight bit annoyed as he realized that it was from Dumbledore (therefore important) and an early delivery (therefore urgent). Which would mean that Dumbledore required him at once...he would have to leave the cottage and peace behind. Plus, he just lost his train of thought. Aconite or abosel? Six or seven stirs? Gahh.  
  
He furiously ripped off his gardening gloves, grabbed the letter, and stormed towards the cabin. His bad mood could not last long however, not while walking in the grounds. As he passed under the shade of an orange tree, a bright red robin landed on his shoulder and started singing to him. The robin was soon joined by a dragonfly which perched on his head, a squirrel who leaped along beside him and a bison who nudged Snape until he climbed on the bison's back and got carried to the house.  
  
As you should have already guessed, animals loved Snape. And, reciprocally, Snape loved animals. Every time he went for a walk outside, animals flocked to him like a monk to beer. He was like a modern day Snow White, with pale skin, ruby red lips, coal black hair and dazzling eyes. That was why he requested his classroom in the dungeon and hardly ever took walks outside while at Hogwarts - he could not bear for anyone to know: they would not understand his true beauty and love for all living creatures and he would be just be made fun of.  
  
Snape dismounted the bison and entered the cozy cottage through the front door. He sat down upon a cozy wicker chair and put his feet up on a cozy handmade footrest. Then he cozily read Dumbledore's letter. What event could Dumbledore be referring to? It intrigued Snape but also made him a little wary. It almost seemed like Dumbledore was trying to trick him to come to Hogwarts, trick him into doing something he would not have agreed to if he knew the whole story. There was only one way to find out what was going on - he would have to pay Dumbledore a visit this afternoon.  
  
* * * *  
  
The sun was already low in the sky by the time Snape arrived at Hogwarts, apparating right out side the front gate (since he could not apparate into the school itself). He began the long walk up the front lawn to the main castle - there were no thestrals to accompany him today. On the way, he passed Hagrid's hut and he scowled as he looked at the garden out front, already turning to weed. He despised Hagrid for his attempt at gardening (those huge pumpkins at the Halloween feast! If only he could have grown his own... they would be larger and stronger and have a much healthier orange color, sparkling with love - it pained him to see them) and for his job as Care of Magical Creatures teacher. That was the job Snape wanted over all else, over even Defense Against the Dark Arts. To be able to spend all day with the animals! But no, he was too embarrassed to ask Dumbledore for the position last summer. He kicked himself and slapped the back of his head with both hands in agony.  
  
At last Snape was at the castle. He made his way though the nearly empty building to Dumbledore's Office, said the password and went up the stairs. He knocked and entered.  
  
* * * *  
  
Dumbledore saw Snape enter, and wasted no time in telling him the reason for the visit. At first, Snape looked murderous and was about to interrupt - caustically, Dumbledore could tell - but he forced Snape to hear the whole story through with no interruptions. As Dumbledore elaborated on Lupin's pitiful condition, Snape began to soften. He began smiling (in a pitying way, Dumbledore thought...well, hoped) and agreed (a little to hastily perhaps for Dumbledore's taste) to pay Lupin a visit and try to get some sense into him.  
  
'I think you should try to get there within a week,' Dumbledore said as Snape perused Lupin's latest letters. Snape let out a laugh - no, sob, it had to be a sob of compassion, it better be. 'Write him a letter or announce your presence in some way so that your arrival will not be too big a shock for him. But don't wait too late after sending the owl to follow - you don't want him to leave town.'  
  
'Don't worry,' Snape said silkily, 'I have a plan. A very good one.' He smirked. Indeed, he was ready to give Lupin what he deserved. 'Thank you for allowing me to do this for you, Headmaster. To do this for... Lupin.'  
  
'I'm glad you were so agreeable, Severus. It takes a load off my heart. Now, I will have to leave for a few weeks starting tomorrow - I have something I need to take care of in Nepal. They will take longer to reach me because they will have to be forwarded, but you many send me letters detailing-'  
  
'That will not be necessary, Headmaster. I will be very busy dealing with Lupin - you can see from his letters that he is deep in denial and illusions. He may continue to write you letters... I can not stop him from doing that,' Snape added in an undertone. 'Don't let it alarm you if the letters seem, er... more distressed than usual. It must get worse before it gets better.'  
  
* * * *  
  
Snape left the office in high spirits. He would finally be able to pay Lupin back for what he and his friends did to Snape years ago, and what he did a few months ago making a fool of him and helping Sirius Black to escape from under his nose, right when he was about to receive an Order of Merlin. Even though Lupin was a werewolf at the time, Snape knew he had something to do with it. And oh, would he pay. Would he ever.  
  
A blue jay landed on Snape's outstretched arm and sang him a song that went with the swelling of his heart. He would arrive, unannounced, tomorrow at Lupin's Lair and sneer at him in his dilapidated state. He would not know what was in store for him the next morning.  
  
And neither would Snape. 


End file.
